Post of the day - 12.15.05

I think I've figured out the reason for some of the doldrums I'm feeling (aside from the usual holiday "blahs," that is). I'm extremely unhappy with my job right now, to the point of seriously looking elsewhere, and it boils down to betrayal, I believe.

I've dealt heavily with betrayal in my last two jobs; in fact, it was why I was so lost and adrift after Baseline. I'd been there almost seven years, only to be sent out the door, to find out afterward that those I'd thought were on my side were advocating the most strongly for my dismissal. To have poured my heart and soul into my job and then be turned away so abruptly hurt badly.

The job I'm currently in has proved to not live up to the hype, and what seems a betrayal to me is that if the company indeed were run the way it was proposed to me, it would be a wondrous place to work. Instead, it's heavily a "do as I say, not as I do" workplace, and even the owner doesn't seem to live by his creed, except when it suits him. So much for "beginner's mind" and admitting when you're wrong and following the lines, all the things that sounded so restful after the past couple of years.

Sorry for the rambling, and the long absence between posts - this soul-deep heaviness weighs on the creative spirit.