O' the day - 07.29.08

My life's soundtrack should have been set to shuffle.

The random nature does not entail purposelessness of life, but rather a disparate group of experiences, pulled from the desire to see new things, meet odd people, consume everything the world has to offer.

This is what I always felt my life would be; instead I chafe, restless in my ordered world of routine and OCD, the very antithesis of a shuffled life. Have I lost my dream? Have I given up on all the life I thought I'd have, opening my arms wide to the offerings of a universe both larger and smaller than ever imagined, to the teaching of a million masters? Is my future that which I disdain, never traveling far from home?

I fear for myself, for my loss, and grieve for the life not led.